K’KAI PRESENTS: KASTLE KOMBAT

2/14/2026

Yeahhhh muhfukas!!

That’s right. I kidnapped 5 princesses and put them under my Gideon Graves spell. I was gonna make you little weaklings fight evil X’s and shit, but y'all wouldn’t even be a coinstar snack, so I came up with something better. 

I issue you all a challenge. You want to prove yourself worthy to come save these little nuisances, then you gotta ACTUALLY prove it, young side character. 

I’m talking gulag style nerf battles, strategy games & riddles, disruptions, truth or dare, and… duh duh duh… actually talking to the b*%@#. Let’s see if you can pickup girls in a dungeon.

Here’s the thing though. I’m only letting you go after one, three, or all of them. If you fail, you fail. Tough luck. You succeed? Korean BBQ and Aya dates on me at the least. That’s $500 worth of Date nights. 

So here’s how things will work.

 First off, they’re free to leave whenever they want…they just don’t. Something about me being cooler than they thought, a good cook, and there’s a pool. So now I can’t get them to leave…

I’m not just going to kick them out though because… princesses… I’ll never hear the end of it.

So I let each of them pick 3 challenges from a list that I then add my own general 3 challenges to, all leading to a decisive conversation and possibly love forever. I DO NOT CARE. Get them out!

THREE LEVELS 

6+CHALLENGES

5 BADDIES

YOU WEAKLINGS

I don’t have high hopes for you losers either. 

Have you seen the types of princesses I kidnap?

Good Luck. 

Oh yeah…

did I mention each princess is in a different kastle…?